Why I Work Relationally (Love Loops™)
A trauma‑informed explanation of relationship sessions, boundaries, and ethical care
A Gentle Introduction
Many people come to therapy believing that change happens inside one person.
Sometimes that’s true.
But many of the struggles that bring people to therapy — especially those involving defensiveness, conflict, emotional distance, or repeated relationship breakdowns — do not live inside one individual.
They live in relational patterns.
This page explains why, in my work, relationship sessions are not an optional add‑on — but often a core part of effective, ethical care.
What I Mean by
“Relational Work”
Relational work focuses on what happens between people, not just what happens inside them.
In particular, it looks at:
How stress changes behavior
How defensiveness protects — and damages — connection
How patterns repeat across relationships
How accountability and repair are learned in relationship, not in isolation
This approach is especially important when working with narcissistic traits or emotionally immature patterns — because these defenses:
Develop early
Become automatic over time
Show up most clearly in close relationships
Insight alone rarely changes them.
Practice does.
Why Individual Therapy Alone Is Often Not Enough
Many people — including self‑aware individuals with narcissistic traits — can:
Be reflective
Build trust with a therapist
Understand their patterns intellectually
And still struggle to change how they show up with partners or family.
This is not resistance. It is how the nervous system works.
Relational patterns are activated in relationship. To change them, we must work where they occur.
Love Loops™ — A Simple Way to Understand Change
In my work, I use the Love Loops™ framework to explain relational change in plain language.
Fear Loops
When a relationship is triggered:
Someone reacts defensively (blame, shutdown, control, withdrawal)
The other person feels unsafe or unseen
The cycle escalates or collapses
Distance grows
Fear loops are not character flaws. They are survival responses.
Love Loops
Love loops are built through small, repeatable actions:
Pause
Regulate
Name what’s happening
Take accountability for impact
Repair
Each love loop brings people closer together. Each fear loop pulls them further apart.
Relational sessions allow couples and families to:
Recognize the difference
Practice new responses in real time
Build shared language
Become united against the pattern, not against each other
Why I Sometimes Work With Individuals and
Their Relationships
You may hear that therapists are “not allowed” to work with one partner individually and also see the couple or family.
The truth is more nuanced.
Professional standards (including CRPO guidelines) caution against unmanaged dual relationships — not against thoughtful, well‑structured relational care.
When done ethically, conjoint sessions can be an essential part of treating relational patterns that cannot change in isolation.
In my work:
Relationship sessions are clearly defined
Roles are explicit
Consent is informed
Safeguards are in place
This is not a shortcut. It is a deliberate clinical choice based on years of observing what actually leads to change.
How This Is Kept Ethical, Safe, and Trauma‑Informed
Relational work in my practice includes:
Clear role clarity (individual sessions vs. relationship sessions)
Neutrality toward people, firmness toward harmful patterns
Informed consent before relational work begins
Clear confidentiality boundaries
A no‑secrets approach common to couples/family therapy
Ongoing attention to safety, power, and consent
Consultation and supervision for complex cases
If relational sessions ever become unsafe or unfair, the approach is paused or adjusted.
What This Looks Like in Practice
Relationship sessions are structured, supportive, and paced.
They typically include:
Mapping the relational pattern
Regulating the nervous system
Practicing accountability and repair
Creating small, realistic practices between sessions
No one is asked to tolerate harm. No one is shamed.
The goal is changed behavior in relationship, not just insight.
Is This the Right Fit for Everyone?
Not necessarily.
Some clients prefer strictly individual work. Some situations require separate therapists. Some therapists at Online Therapy Ontario use different models.
That’s okay.
This page exists so you can make an informed choice — and understand why relational work is central to my practice.
A Final Word
If you are asking whether real change is possible in your relationship, that question already matters.
Relational healing does not come from perfection. It comes from practice.
Love Loops™ are built together.
This page is for information and informed consent. It does not replace clinical consultation or legal advice.