Teacher Mini Resources

WHAT TO SAY
WHEN A STUDENT IS ESCALATING
CALMING SCRIPTS FOR HARD MOMENTS

1. “I’m not upset. I’m here to help you feel safe.”
De-escalates instantly. Removes threat.

2. “Take your time — I’m not rushing you.”
Slows the moment. Reduces pressure.

3. “I see you’re overwhelmed. Let’s breathe together.”
Co-regulation without demands.

4. “You’re not in trouble. We’re figuring this out together.”
Removes shame. Opens connection.

5. “Let’s step to the side so you can feel calmer.”
Protects dignity. Lowers audience pressure.

6. “I’m listening. Tell me when you’re ready.”
Gives agency. Reduces defensiveness.

7. “It’s okay to feel this way. We can reset.”
Normalizes emotion. Restores safety.

THE GOAL IS SAFETY, NOT CONTROL.
Your calm helps their calm return.

Calming, non-demanding language for freeze, withdrawal, or overwhelm

WHAT TO SAY
WHEN A STUDENT SHUTS DOWN
GENTLE, NON-PRESSURING PHRASES

1. “It’s okay — you don’t have to talk yet.”
Removes pressure. Gives safety.

2. “I’m here when you’re ready.”
Tells the nervous system it has time.

3. “Take a moment. I’m not going anywhere.”
Signals stability and presence.

4. “Would you like space or company right now?”
Restores a sense of control.

5. “Is there one small thing you need?”
Gently reopens agency.

6. “Let’s breathe together quietly.”
Co-regulation without any demand.

7. “You’re not in trouble. You’re just overwhelmed.”
Normalizes the shutdown response.

8. “We can start with something tiny.”
Helps them re-enter the moment with dignity.

WHEN A STUDENT SHUTS DOWN:
Their body is protecting them.
You don’t push them out of freeze — you invite them back.

A teacher repair tool — quick, honest, and dignity-protecting

WHAT TO SAY
AFTER YOU LOSE YOUR COOL
HUMAN. SIMPLE. REPAIRING.

1. “I didn’t love how I handled that.”
Names the moment clearly without shame.

2. “You didn’t deserve that tone. I’m sorry.”
Protects the student’s dignity.

3. “Let’s take a breath and restart together.”
Models calm and collaboration.

4. “Big feelings happen for teachers too.”
Normalizes emotions. Makes space for humanity.

5. “I care about us getting this right.”
Reaffirms relationship above behaviour.

6. “Thank you for resetting with me.”
Ends the moment with mutual respect.

7. “We’re okay.”
Closes the repair loop.

REMEMBER:
Repair is not a confession.
It’s a restoration of safety.
Students learn more from your repair than from your perfection.

Fast, gentle scripts for adult-to-adult repair in schools

WHAT TO SAY
TO REPAIR WITH A COLLEAGUE
KEEP IT LIGHT, CLEAN, AND HUMAN

1. “Hey — are we okay?”
Soft, simple, and non-threatening.

2. “That moment felt off. Can we reset?”
Clears the air without blame.

3. “I think I came across sharper than I meant.”
Takes accountability without over-explaining.

4. “I care about our working relationship.”
Reaffirms partnership, not conflict.

5. “Can we take one minute to fix that moment?”
Small repairs prevent big tensions.

6. “Thank you for hearing me.”
Closes the loop gently.

7. “We’re good.”
Signals safety and completion.

REMEMBER:
Quick, small repairs keep staff culture healthy.
Connection > Perfection.

A fast, repeatable nervous-system reset for teachers and students

THE 60-SECOND CALM ROUTINE
ONE MINUTE TO RESET YOUR BODY

1. BREATHE (10 seconds)
Inhale gently.
Exhale longer.

2. SOFTEN YOUR FACE (10 seconds)
Release your jaw.
Relax your forehead.
Unclench anything that’s clenched.

3. DROP YOUR SHOULDERS (10 seconds)
Let your shoulders fall once.
Then again.
Then again.

4. GROUND YOURSELF (10 seconds)
Feet flat.
Feel the floor.
Feel your weight supported.

5. VOICE RESET (10 seconds)
Slow your words.
Lower your volume.
Lengthen your pauses.

6. SAY A RESET PHRASE (10 seconds)
“Steady.”
“Soft.”
“We’re okay.”

THIS ROUTINE CAN CHANGE ANY MOMENT.
Calm is contagious.

Gentle language that lowers defensiveness and restores safety

10 SOFT-VOICE PHRASES
FOR HARD MOMENTS
USE THESE WHEN EMOTIONS ARE HIGH

1. “I’m right here.”
Signals presence and safety.

2. “You’re not in trouble.”
Removes fear immediately.

3. “Let’s slow down together.”
Invites co-regulation.

4. “Take your time — I’m listening.”
Restores agency.

5. “We can figure this out.”
Reduces overwhelm.

6. “Let’s breathe first.”
Shifts the body toward regulation.

7. “Try that again when you’re ready.”
Protects dignity.

8. “I hear you — let’s take a small step.”
Keeps things manageable.

9. “It’s okay to feel this.”
Normalizes emotion.

10. “Let’s find calm together.”
Invites partnership instead of power struggle.

A SOFT VOICE CAN CHANGE THE WHOLE ROOM.

A quick stabilizer for your body, mind, and nervous system

EMOTIONAL FIRST-AID CARD
FOR TEACHERS IN HARD MOMENTS

1. NOTICE YOUR BODY
Where is the tension?
Jaw? Shoulders? Chest?
Just notice. No judgment.

2. TAKE ONE SLOW EXHALE
Longer out than in.
Let your shoulders fall.

3. SOFTEN YOUR FACE
Relax your jaw.
Unclench your teeth.
Drop the muscles around your eyes.

4. STEP BACK FOR THREE SECONDS
A micro-pause resets your whole system.

5. SAY A CALMING PHRASE
“Steady.”
“Soft.”
“I can do this.”

6. CHOOSE THE NEXT KIND ACTION
Not the perfect one —
the kind one.

YOUR REGULATION IS THEIR REGULATION.

What behaviour is trying to tell you — in one glance

STUDENT NEEDS DECODER
A QUICK GUIDE TO WHAT THE BEHAVIOUR MEANS

ANGER
= Need for Safety
(Overwhelm, fear, loss of control)

REFUSAL / “NO!”
= Need for Agency
(Choice, autonomy, dignity)

SHUT DOWN / FREEZE
= Need for Regulation
(Time, space, quiet co-regulation)

ARGUING / DEFIANCE
= Need for Respect
(Face-saving, shame protection, feeling heard)

ATTENTION-SEEKING
= Need for Connection
(Contact, warmth, proximity)

PANIC / CRYING
= Need for Co-Regulation
(Soft presence, slower breathing, no demands)

REMEMBER:
BEHAVIOUR = COMMUNICATION
What looks like disrespect is often distress.

Small, calm sentences that protect your capacity in the moment

MICRO-BOUNDARIES
FOR TEACHERS
GENTLE LIMITS THAT KEEP YOU SAFE

1. “I’ll answer when my body is calmer.”
Self-care first, modelling regulation.

2. “I can hear you when your voice is softer.”
A boundary without shaming.

3. “Let’s pause — I need a second.”
Stops escalation immediately.

4. “I’ll come back in one minute.”
Gives both of you breathing room.

5. “I can only talk one at a time.”
Protects cognitive bandwidth.

6. “Try again, and I’ll listen.”
Invites a redo with dignity.

7. “I’m here to help, not rush.”
Slows the moment and reduces pressure.

8. “I want to understand — let’s take it slowly.”
Keeps communication safe and steady.

MICRO-BOUNDARIES PREVENT MEGA-PROBLEMS.

A fast, simple routine to bring the room back to calm

CLASS RESET
A 10-SECOND ROUTINE FOR EVERYONE

1. PAUSE
Stop what you’re doing.
Hands still.
Voices quiet.

2. BREATHE
One slow inhale.
One longer exhale.

3. RESET YOUR BODY
Feet grounded.
Shoulders soft.
Eyes relaxed.

4. RESET YOUR SPACE
Clear your desk.
Face forward.
Make room for calm.

5. BEGIN AGAIN
“With kindness.”
“With focus.”
“With each other.”

A CLASS THAT RESETS TOGETHER STAYS REGULATED TOGETHER.

Calming, non-threatening language for school leaders entering dysregulated spaces

ADMIN RESET SCRIPTS
USE THESE BEFORE YOU ADDRESS ANY SITUATION

1. “Let’s all take a breath first.”
Regulates the room without calling anyone out.

2. “I’m here to help us feel safe.”
Reassures students and staff simultaneously.

3. “Tell me what’s happening from your point of view.”
Invites dignity and de-escalation.

4. “I’m listening. Take your time.”
Slows everyone’s nervous system.

5. “Let’s find a calm way forward together.”
Keeps the solution collaborative.

6. “We can fix this — one step at a time.”
Reduces pressure and restores hope.

7. “Thank you for resetting with me.”
Ends the moment with partnership, not authority.

A REGULATED LEADER REGULATES THE SCHOOL.

Simple, safe phrases kids can use to fix small moments

KID-FRIENDLY
REPAIR SCRIPTS
WORDS THAT HELP US FIX A MOMENT

1. “Can I try that again?”
A warm redo request.

2. “I didn’t mean it that way.”
Softens the moment.

3. “Sorry — I want us to be okay.”
Re-centers connection.

4. “Can we start over?”
Invites a reset without blame.

5. “I want to say it in a kinder way.”
Shows growth in real time.

6. “Are we okay?”
A simple check for belonging.

7. “Thanks for hearing me.”
Closes the repair loop kindly.

EVERYONE DESERVES A SECOND TRY.

A 30-second internal reset for teachers in hard moments

WHEN YOU FEEL OVERWHELMED
A FAST, KIND RESET FOR YOUR OWN BODY

1. PAUSE YOUR BODY
Stop moving for one moment.
Let your shoulders drop.

2. EXHALE SLOWLY
Let the breath fall out.
Longer out than in.

3. SOFTEN YOUR FACE
Loosen your jaw.
Unclench your teeth.
Relax your eyes.

4. NAME IT QUIETLY
“I’m overloaded.”
Naming reduces intensity.

5. LOWER THE DEMAND
Choose the smallest next step.
You don’t need to solve everything now.

6. SAY A SUPPORTIVE PHRASE
“I can do this.”
“One thing at a time.”
“I don’t have to hold it all alone.”

7. RECONNECT WHEN READY
Turn back with a soft voice.
A calmer you changes the room.

YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM MATTERS.
YOU DESERVE CARE TOO.

A fast intervention for chaotic, noisy, or emotionally overloaded rooms

WHEN THE WHOLE CLASS
IS DYSREGULATED
RESET THE NERVOUS SYSTEM OF THE ROOM

1. LOWER YOUR VOICE
Speak softly.
The room mirrors your tone.

2. SAY THE RESET PHRASE
“Everyone, pause for a moment.”
Gentle, not sharp.

3. BREATHE TOGETHER
“One slow breath.”
Inhale gently.
Exhale longer.

4. RESET BODIES
“Feet on the floor.”
“Shoulders soft.”
“Eyes relaxed.”

5. RESET THE SPACE
“Clear your desk.”
“Make room for calm.”
“Face forward.”

6. BEGIN AGAIN
“With kindness.”
“With focus.”
“With each other.”

CALM IS CONTAGIOUS.
SO IS CHAOS.
YOU CAN SHIFT THE ROOM.

Use these when someone is tense, reactive, or feeling misunderstood

5 PHRASES
THAT LOWER DEFENSIVENESS
GENTLE LANGUAGE THAT OPENS THE NERVOUS SYSTEM

1. “I hear you.”
Everyone relaxes when they feel heard.

2. “You’re making sense.”
Removes the fear of being judged or dismissed.

3. “I can see why you’d feel that way.”
Validates the emotional logic.

4. “We’re on the same team.”
Shifts from power struggle to partnership.

5. “Let’s slow down and figure this out.”
Moves the moment out of threat mode.

WHEN PEOPLE FEEL SAFE,
THEY CAN THINK CLEARLY AGAIN.

A quick nervous-system reminder when you’re right in the storm

WHAT TO REMEMBER
IN THE MIDDLE OF A HARD MOMENT
GROUNDING TRUTHS FOR TEACHERS

1. THIS ISN’T ABOUT YOU
The student’s nervous system is reacting —
not their character, not your worth.

2. BEHAVIOUR = NEED
Anger = Safety
Refusal = Agency
Shutdown = Regulation
Arguing = Dignity
Attention = Connection

3. YOU DON’T NEED TO FIX IT IMMEDIATELY
Take one breath.
Lower the demand.
There is time.

4. CALM IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN CORRECTNESS
Connection comes before accuracy.

5. A SOFT VOICE IS A SUPERPOWER
It changes the whole room.

6. YOU CAN RESET AT ANY TIME
Repair is always possible.

7. YOU ARE NOT FAILING
Hard moments are part of the job —
and part of being human.

COME BACK TO YOUR BREATH.
COME BACK TO YOUR BODY.
COME BACK TO KINDNESS.

Simple moves that lower intensity fast

DE-ESCALATION
QUICK GUIDE
USE THESE WHEN THE MOMENT IS GETTING BIG

1. LOWER YOUR VOICE
Go softer, slower, quieter.
Your tone is the thermostat.

2. REMOVE THE AUDIENCE
Step aside.
“Let’s talk over here.”
Reduces shame instantly.

3. DROP DEMANDS
Lower the pressure.
Shift from “you must” to “let’s.”

4. OFFER A CHOICE
Two calm options:
“Do you want space or company?”
“Here or over there?”
Reintroduces dignity.

5. NAME THE FEELING
“I can see this feels big.”
Seen emotions shrink in intensity.

6. SPEAK IN SHORT SENTENCES
Long explanations overwhelm a dysregulated brain.

7. WAIT FOR REGULATION
Don’t teach a lesson during a storm.

8. END WITH REPAIR
“We’re okay.”
“Want to start fresh?”

DE-ESCALATION IS ABOUT SAFETY, NOT POWER.

How to meet the need without feeding the chaos

WHEN A STUDENT
IS SEEKING ATTENTION
RESPOND TO THE NEED, NOT THE NOISE

1. OFFER CONNECTION FIRST
A tiny dose of warm attention reduces the behaviour.
“Hey — I see you.”
“I’m glad you’re here today.”

2. GIVE A JOB OR ROLE
Redirect the need for significance.
“Can you hand out these papers?”
“Can you be my helper for a minute?”

3. USE PROXIMITY
Stand nearby.
No words needed.
Your presence regulates the nervous system.

4. CATCH A POSITIVE MICRO-MOMENT
Name ANY small success.
“Thanks for waiting.”
“Nice focus just now.”

5. SET A SOFT BOUNDARY
Calm and gentle, not punitive.
“I can listen when your voice is softer.”
“Try that again kindly.”

6. RETURN TO CONNECTION FAST
Don’t stay in correction mode.
Reconnection stops the cycle.

ATTENTION-SEEKING = CONNECTION-NEEDING.
When you meet the need, the behaviour fades.

How to respond without joining the power struggle

WHEN A STUDENT
ARGUES OR PUSHES BACK
PROTECT DIGNITY. LOWER THE HEAT.

1. VALIDATE FIRST
“I hear you.”
“You’re making sense.”
“I get why that felt unfair.”
Validation breaks the power struggle instantly.

2. LOWER YOUR VOICE
Speak slowly.
Keep sentences short.
Calm tone = calm nervous system.

3. DON’T ARGUE BACK
Their brain is in protection mode.
Logic won’t land until safety comes first.

4. OFFER A FACE-SAVING EXIT
“Let’s take a moment.”
“Want to try that again?”
“You can tell me calmly — I’ll listen.”
This preserves dignity, not dominance.

5. GIVE A SMALL CHOICE
“Here or at your desk?”
“Now or in two minutes?”
Choice restores agency.

6. END WITH CONNECTION
“I care about us getting this right.”
“We’re okay.”
“Thanks for resetting with me.”

ARGUING IS OFTEN A NEED FOR DIGNITY.
Give dignity, and the conflict dissolves.

How to respond to power-resistance with calm, dignity, and agency

WHEN A STUDENT
REFUSES OR SAYS “NO!”
SHIFT FROM POWER TO PARTNERSHIP

1. LOWER THE DEMAND
Refusal often means overwhelm, not defiance.
“Take a moment — we don’t have to rush.”

2. ACKNOWLEDGE THE FEELING
“You didn’t like that.”
“That felt like too much.”
Naming reduces resistance.

3. OFFER A SMALL CHOICE
Choice restores agency.
“Here or at your desk?”
“Now or in two minutes?”

4. USE NON-COLLAPSING KINDNESS
Soft voice + clear boundary.
“I hear you. We can do this together.”

5. BREAK IT INTO ONE TINY STEP
Overwhelm shrinks when tasks do.
“Let’s start with one small thing.”

6. LET THEM SAVE FACE
Public refusal = public pressure.
“Let’s talk over here.”
This protects dignity.

7. END WITH A GENTLE RESET
“Want to try again?”
“Thanks for resetting with me.”

REFUSAL = NEED FOR AGENCY, NOT DEFIANCE.
Meet the need and the refusal softens.

How to support emotional flooding with safety, softness, and presence

WHEN A STUDENT
IS CRYING OR PANICKING
THE GOAL IS SAFETY, NOT SOLUTIONS

1. LOWER YOUR VOICE
Go soft.
Go slow.
Your tone becomes their anchor.

2. REMOVE DEMANDS
No questions.
No instructions.
No “calm down.”
Just presence.

3. OFFER CO-REGULATION
“I’m right here.”
“Let’s breathe together.”
“You’re safe.”
Your nervous system does the heavy lifting.

4. GET LOW AND SIDE-BY-SIDE
Not towering over them.
Sit nearby, not staring directly.
This reduces shame and sensory overwhelm.

5. NORMALIZE THE FEELING
“It’s okay to feel this.”
“Big feelings happen.”
“You’re not doing anything wrong.”

6. WAIT FOR THEIR BODY TO SETTLE
Don’t rush.
Don’t teach.
Let their nervous system come back online.

7. OFFER A MICRO-CHOICE
“Water or a tissue?”
“Quiet spot or here?”
“Want a moment alone or company?”
This restores agency gently.

8. END WITH A SIMPLE REPAIR
“We’re okay.”
“Thank you for resetting with me.”
“You did something really hard.”

PANIC IS A BODY EXPERIENCE, NOT A BEHAVIOUR PROBLEM.
You don’t fix it — you co-regulate it.

How to redirect playful/dysregulated behaviour without shame or power struggles

WHEN A STUDENT
IS BEING SILLY OR DISRUPTIVE
MEET THE NEED • KEEP THE CONNECTION • LOWER THE CHAOS

1. JOIN WITH WARMTH, NOT REACTIVITY
A soft smile or calm presence diffuses the tension.
“I see you’ve got a lot of energy right now.”

2. NAME THE MOMENT KINDLY
“That was a bit much for this space.”
“You’re having a big energy moment.”
Gentle naming ≠ calling out.

3. OFFER A CLEAR, SIMPLE BOUNDARY
“Fun voice for recess — calm voice for class.”
“I need your focus for one minute.”

4. GIVE A REDIRECTION JOB
“I could use a helper for this.”
“Can you hand these out for me?”
Tasks channel extra energy into purpose.

5. INVITE A RESET
“Let’s reset, then try again.”
Short. Kind. Non-shaming.

6. ACKNOWLEDGE THE HUMANITY
“You’re not in trouble — we’re just regulating.”
Takes the sting out of correction.

7. PRAISE THE FIRST MICRO-SHIFT
“Thank you for slowing down.”
“I appreciate that calm step.”

DISRUPTION IS OFTEN EXCESS ENERGY + A NEED FOR CONNECTION.
Meet the need → behaviour softens.

How to restore dignity, safety, and connection in the moment

WHEN A STUDENT
FEELS ASHAMED OR EMBARRASSED
PROTECT THEIR DIGNITY ABOVE ALL ELSE

1. LOWER YOUR VOICE AND YOUR BODY
Gentle volume.
Sit or kneel beside them.
This removes the sense of being “seen while vulnerable.”

2. SOFTEN YOUR FACE
Kind eyes + calm expression = instant safety.

3. SAY A DIGNITY-RESTORING PHRASE
“You’re not in trouble.”
“You’re not a bad kid.”
“You’re still safe with me.”

4. REMOVE THE AUDIENCE
“Let’s step over here together.”
Shame dissolves when the spotlight disappears.

5. NORMALIZE THE EXPERIENCE
“Everyone has moments like this.”
“This happens to all of us.”
“You’re not alone.”

6. LOWER DEMANDS IMMEDIATELY
Shame blocks learning.
Go small:
“Let’s start with one tiny step.”

7. REPAIR THE RELATIONSHIP
“We’re okay.”
“I still care about you.”
“You’re allowed to start again.”

8. GIVE THEM BACK THEIR DIGNITY
“Thank you for resetting with me.”
“You handled a hard feeling.”

SHAME IS A NEED FOR DIGNITY.
YOUR KINDNESS GIVES IT BACK.

How to help without increasing pressure, shame, or avoidance

WHEN A STUDENT
IS OVERWHELMED BY A TASK
MAKE THE MOMENT SMALLER • SAFER • MORE DOABLE

1. LOWER THE DEMANDS
Overwhelm shrinks when tasks do.
“Let’s make this smaller.”
“You don’t have to do the whole thing right now.”

2. OFFER A MICRO-STEP
Tiny steps re-open the brain.
“Just start with the first word.”
“Can you read the first line with me?”

3. GIVE CO-REGULATION, NOT CORRECTION
Sit near them.
Use a soft voice.
Let your nervous system lend them stability.

4. REMOVE THE AUDIENCE
“Let’s move to a quieter spot.”
Public difficulty increases shame and cognitive freeze.

5. VALIDATE THE EXPERIENCE
“This feels like a lot.”
“It’s okay that this is hard.”
Validation restores dignity.

6. OFFER A CHOICE
Choice resets agency.
“Pencil or marker?”
“Here or beside me?”
“Now or in two minutes?”

7. CELEBRATE THE FIRST MICRO-MOVE
“Thank you — that was a good start.”
Small wins restart momentum.

8. END WITH CONNECTION
“We’re okay.”
“I’m with you.”
“We can do this together.”

OVERWHELM IS NOT A MOTIVATION PROBLEM.
IT’S A NERVOUS SYSTEM PROBLEM.

A gentle routine for moving from high energy to learning energy

AFTER-RECESS RESET
A 20–30 SECOND ROUTINE FOR CALM TRANSITIONS

1. ARRIVE
“Take a breath as you come in.”
Signals a shift from outside energy to inside energy.

2. BREATHE TOGETHER
One slow inhale.
One longer exhale.
Resets nervous systems after stimulation.

3. GROUND YOUR BODY
“Feet on the floor.”
“Shoulders soft.”
“Eyes relaxed.”

4. RESET YOUR SPACE
Backpacks away.
Desks clear.
Hands still.

5. BEGIN WITH CONNECTION
A warm tone:
“Welcome back.”
“Glad to see you.”
“We’re starting fresh.”

6. SMALL FIRST STEP
Make the first task tiny:
“Take out your pencil.”
“Write your name at the top.”
“Read the first line with me.”

TRANSITIONS SET THE TONE FOR THE NEXT 20 MINUTES.
A soft, kind reset changes everything.